I’m trying this as soon as my broken nails grow back!!!
Easy, being green is not.
I hear Dagobah is lovely this time of year.
Han Solo is the fucking nuts. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you guys this, but it’s the god-honest truth. This badass, gunslinging space cowboy doesn’t give a shit about anything, and is so unassailably cool that I could probably get away with just posting this dude’s name and walking away. He’s that fucking awesome.
The great thing about Han is that he’s just a regular guy with no superpowers, and he somehow manages to hold his own in a galaxy filled with giant monsters, crazy technology and angry motherfuckers with lightsabers who can move objects with their minds and set people on fire just by thinking about it. People are getting Force Choked the fuck out all over the place, entire planets are being blown up by giant universe-killing space stations, Luke is doing backflips in his sleep while bench-pressing Yoda, and in the middle of all this futuristic ridiculous space-insanity is Han Solo, who has little more to offer than piloting skills and a pistol, and he’s taking care of business, saving Jedi Luke’s hide from certain death, and generally just making everyone around him his bitches. Not only that, but HE’S the guy who ends up nailing the Princess. And shit, he just acts like getting with royalty is no big deal - when Leia finally professes her undying love for him before he goes into a Carbonite deep freeze, his only reaction is a sly smile and the words, “I know.”
I also appreciate the fact that Han is a “good guy”, but he’s not so annoyingly righteous that you want to start vomiting blood every time he appears on camera. While he maintains loyalty to the Rebel cause, there’s no denying the fact that Solo is a streetwise smuggler who hangs out in seedy bars, gets into trouble wherever he goes, surrounds himself with shady business associates, and doesn’t constrict himself to some arbitrary bullshit code of honor. He does what he needs to do to get by. Honestly, one of my favorite film scenes of all time (and the event that perfectly sums up that badassitude of Han Solo) is when he fucking pops Greedo in the Mos Eisley cantina. That alien dude is going off in his messed-up gobbledegook language like, “Yeah I’m going to bring you in fool, Jabba’s going to give me a sweet reward for handing you over to him”, and then all of a sudden Solo’s like POW WAZZAP BITCHES! and frags that fucker in the middle of a crowded bar. Then he nonchalantly walks out of there and throws the bartender a quarter to clean the mess up, acting like this really isn’t the first time he’s busted a cap in someone who was annoying him.
If it isn’t sweet enough that he’s fighting off intergalactic bounty hunters dispatched by a giant gastropodal Al Capone, judo-throwing Stormtroopers, and destroying the Galactic Imperium alongside the goddamned missing link, Han also pilots the Millenium Falcon – the most badass (and fastest) ship in the galaxy. This thing is basically a lightspeed-capable piece-of-shit cargo ship that’s been kitted out and modified to be totally awesome. Its retarededly fast, seemingly impervious to laser fire, and sports everything from swivel-mounted gun turrets to concussion missile launchers. The Falcon is like a modern-day mix between a sweet El Camino, the Spy Hunter car, and something out of a Bond flick, which rocks. And it blows up the second Death Star. Oh, and takes out Darth Vader’s TIE Fighter.
Basically, Han Solo is like the ultimate hero for the average guy. He doesn’t have any special powers or equipment, yet somehow no situation is ever hopeless as long as he’s around… he’s always got a crazy plan, a trick up his sleeve, or a shady contact that can bail him out at the last moment. He kicks ass, never loses his cool, routinely fights off the galaxy’s most dangerous super-villains, and gets the girl.
Reblogging the shit out of this post.